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Wednesday
Mar092011

THE BIZARRE ZONE: CONSUMPTION

 

THE BIZARRE ZONE: CONSUMPTION is the THIRD, and final category, of a blog series dealing with WEIGHT CONTROL VS. SCIENCE VS. EATING.  It examines the three categories of CONSUMPTION.

Now, CONSUMPTION is an old name for a very serious medical condition: Tuberculosis.  This is a real illness and I would never make light of the suffering that people have to endure.

Our CONSUMPTION is vastly different.  The levels are:

    LEVEL #1 - PASSIVE CONSUMPTION:  This describes the almost unconscious eating of food.  We taste our cooking to make sure all the ingredients are there, and to protect our family in case the food suddenly goes bad during the cooking process.  We PASS through a BUFFET LINE and check out the choices.  We NIBBLE at SNACKS offered at parties.  Ingesting food at this level is sort of GENTEEL.  "JUST A TAD," we tell ourselves.  You are now ready to move along to LEVEL #2.

     LEVEL #2 - CONSPICUOUS CONSUMPTION: Welcome, GRADUATES!  You are now qualified to experience the WANTON EATING OF EVERYTHING IN SIGHT.  The most common manifestations generally occur when diets fail and we exhibit an almost feral demeanor.  We hunt down the prime cuts and divine dainties.  We gather and stash and boldly insist that our extravagant, gluttonous leftovers be packaged properly for the grueling trip home. 

BUFFETS & PARTIES are the prime locations, since we have previously gained experience in the checking-out and nibbling stages, and remember the times we have been too weak to drive home due to the lack of food.  Of course, it's the lack of food that makes us weak!  Those BEVERAGES just don't fill us up.  Yeah!  Right!

HINT:  Resist dragging in any mention of a dog or a cat.  Just grab your booty-bag and exit with dignity.

      LEVEL #3 - SECONDARY CONSUMPTION:  This is the most sacred level we can attain.  It is akin to SAINTHOOD and MARTYRDOM.  There is no greater SACRIFICE than the LEFTOVERS BANQUET.  All those mystery containers in your refrigerator can be cleared out in one fell swoop as long as you hold fast to the theory that:  "If you liked it before -- you'll LOVE it the second time around.”  Just remember that the reason you saved it was because you felt it was a SIN to throw it away.  Besides, if you are really clever, you can dazzle your family into thinking you have cooked a completely NEW DISH.  A SAUCE, a GRAVY, some CREAM-OF-SOMETHING SOUP.  HOLY CUISINART!  A MASTERPIECE IS BORN!

Your education is now complete.  Although no diplomas or degrees can be awarded, I can, at least, admit my own weakness in the battle to tame the powerful calorie.

I hope you have enjoyed our fictional sojourn into the BIZARRE ZONE.  Perhaps you have even dreamed-up your own unusual theories.

The following recipe isn't bizarre; but it is a delicious approach to deviled eggs. (The Pyramid of Dietary Forgiveness endorses this recipe.)

                                 FRANCESCA’S FAMOUS DEVILED EGGS

                           4 hard cooked                                EGGS

                           1 small container                           RICOTTA CHEESE

                           1 tsp.                                                   DRY MUSTARD

                           1 tbsp.                                                 MINCED ONION

                           1 tbsp.                                                 CAPERS

                           2 - 3 tbsp.                                           MAYONNAISE

                                                                                         SALT & PEPPER (to taste)

                                                                                         PAPRIKA

Shell EGGS.  Cut in half (lengthwise).  Remove and mash yolks or pass them through a strainer and combine them with an equal amount of RICOTTA CHEESE.  Add DRY MUSTARD, ONION, CAPERS, MAYONNAISE, SALT and PEPPER.  Mix well.  Pile high in EGG WHITE HALVES and dust with PAPRIKA.  ONION POWDER may be substituted for MINCED ONION.

                ´╗┐

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