INSANITY RECYCLED

I’m sure many of you clean and service your computers on a regular basis. Not only do you have the little vacuum devices and splotch be-gone evaporation techniques, you also plug and launch and secrete and encrypt and do micro-biotic secret surgery to original factory restrictives. I am in awe, and yet, despise the wise and wonderful technologists among you.

Sure, sure, you’ve heard all of this before. I can almost see the grins and nods. You get extra points if you roll your eyes.

Time and time again, I’ve needed help. Help fixed the problem. It suddenly seemed to make sense and I thought I’d remember the clicks and screens and logic. But I didn’t, and I despised admitting I needed help again and again.

So, if you are all feeling even just a bit understanding and cozy, here’s why I needed to coddle you into reading this pathetic blog.

(One) I can’t think of a decent thing to write about right now. I can’t even think of an indecent thing to write about right now.

(Two) I have loaded my computer with junk and need to delete things.

(Three) An e-mail from 2003 found its way in to my Word program/folder, and I have no idea how it got there.

(Four) I read the dang thing and it was funny.

(Five) I copied the best of it and deleted the rest.

(Six) I feel pretty damned proud of myself right now.

(Seven) Take a recycled insanity break. See below:

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a
hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries
with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in."

5. Put Decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten
over their caffeine addictions, switch to Espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."

7. Finish all your sentences with "...in accordance with the prophecy."

8. Dont use any punctuation marks

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

11. Specify that your drive-through order is to-go.

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle
sounds all day.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party
because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock-Hard
____.

17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I won! I won! Third
time this week!!!!!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling
"Run for your lives, they're loose!!"

19. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to
have to let one of you go."

Thanks for joining me for a little fun. We’d all go completely nuts without a little humor.