SINCERELY, THE GUTTERSNIPE

I would really love to be able to write about charming, humorous, ultra-intelligent people and situations each week. Unfortunately, my view of life tends to be a bit lowbrow, and I find that I fall more into the category of a distraught guttersnipe than an understanding, middle-class housewife.

I climb my personal wall of reality every day.  What I find on the other side frequently pisses me off.  Do I voice my feelings?  You bet your ass I do.

Consider THE UNKEMPT EATERY, ET AL:  

Let’s start with the condiments. If you are the first person to occupy the space, you may find clean bottles and shakers. That’s good. But usually you are just another contaminator among many contaminators, and your hands and lax habits do disgusting things to public usage items.

Take a look around. A disinterested slop swiper is likely wielding a rag in a half-hearted attempt to tidy a table and seats. Is that rag wet and soapy? Has it traveled from space to space without refreshing? Is there a similar rag being used to dry the smears? How are the condiments treated?

Think about it. Have your hands felt sticky stuff on the table/seating you’ve been assigned? Have you questioned the oversights? Do you really want to sprinkle or spread flavoring agents on your food when you shrink with disgust at the mere touch of, say, a greasy parmesan cheese shaker?

Remember, it is common for people to sit and touch and feel and eat and then leave. How clean were their hands at any point of their occupation of the space you are subsequently being encouraged to fill?

What about the fast-food eatery? How many times have you had to be the clean-up attendant? How many times have you muttered ‘pigs’ and really meant it?

Have you ever thought about the hairy pizza dough tosser and wondered how all that hair stays put? Are you grateful when disposable sleeves protect the dough tosser’s arms? Is it nice to see a beard guard used when appropriate?

Have you discovered a hair in your food or stuck in your pizza crust and brought it to the management’s attention? Is management genuinely concerned? A simple ‘Oh, sorry’ is not really sorry, nor is it adequate handling of a contamination issue – replacement or bill adjustment is.

Eating utensils and beverage containers frequently suffer from automatic dishwasher problems. Ask for clean items in good condition. If that pricey glass of wine has a dirty smear or smells scuzzy, then the glass is not truly clean. The same goes for other beverages, including a refreshing glass of water.

Restaurants should replace glassware that is dirty, etched, or chipped. Don’t buy the excuse that it’s just etching caused by the water or detergent. An etched glass is disgusting. And worn plastic ware is just as bad.

Have you tried a new item being promoted by a well-known chain operation only to be disappointed that it was a puny, false representation of the item pictured on coupons and signage? Have you complained? Have you pointed to the photos and compared actual serving? You should.

You don’t have to accept bad food, bad service, bad conditions, or bad attitude. You deserve fair value and fair treatment.

I’m going to stop now. There are many things on the other side of my personal wall of reality that can wait a while longer for their time in the blog-light. Enjoy your day.