SEX IS NOT THE PRIMARY THOUGHT

I’ve decided to throw caution to the wind and embark on a subject which, to put it bluntly, says: SEX IS NOT THE PRIMARY THOUGHT ON A MAN’S MIND WHEN HE MEETS A WOMAN.

For untold centuries, the Kama-Sutra has had an exotic and mysterious reputation as the ultimate sex and man-grabbing manual.

Your friendly psychic, fortune-teller, or Curandera promises Success In Love at each turn-of the-dollar. And matchmaking services rely on technology to locate your ideal mate. All these services dwell in The Land of Romantic Imagination, and assume that every couple will author their own bodice-busting best seller.

But, since life and love are akin to shooting craps at a Vegas casino, I thought I would load the dice by calling your attention to a little known fact of life and love: MEN ARE HOOKED ON LEATHER AND VINYL!

Now, before you go into cardiac arrest, let me assure you that this is not going to be a blog filled with kinky thrills. I have no idea if any serious study has been made regarding luring men with leather and vinyl. If so, I guess some findings could be somewhat interesting, but I would like to take a more logical approach.

Over the years, I have noticed that there is an extension of the female anatomy that men find absolutely fascinating. This extension has been known to use various aliases. The most common are PURSE; POCKETBOOK; CLUTCH; HOBO.

99.9% of the women of this world lug around one variety or another of the above vinyl or leather creations every day. It is part of our mystique. Who knows what fills that dark vacuum of space?

Men find it mysterious and revere it as a holy repository of the inner woman.

Oh, yes. Some of us have found bona-fide relics during the excavation ritual that we are forced to conduct from time to time.

What has all this got to do with attracting a man? Well, men are creatures-in-conflict. They want all the bells and whistles. So, they not only want an attractive package in a woman. They also want that package to be capable of carrying some of the bells and whistles essential for their own personal happiness.

That’s why the purse you carry can make a difference between: “I’ll call you Monday night at 8 P.M.” Or the dreaded: “I’ll give you a call sometime.”

Have you ever noticed how a man’s eyes wander to your purse whenever you open it to search for something?

Has it come to your attention that, when you ask a man to hold your purse for a second, his whole demeanor changes?

These are strong emotional signals which should not be ignored.

What he is unconsciously doing is making a decision about entrusting you with his life.

Oh, you’ll know when he has decided to further your relationship. His commitment becomes clear the first time he asks you to keep something in your purse for him. Then, almost at warp speed, any number of his things may find peace and safety within that sacred vault.

He may start out with just a pack of gum or breath-mints. However, nearby wedding bells will begin to peal when he hands you his glasses, cigarettes, calculator, camera, or a snack or two.

If your man is plagued with allergies, you can also expect to add his pills, inhaler, and an extra hankie. He, of course, will hold on to his wallet, cash, credit cards and lottery tickets.

Yes, ladies, the purse you select can influence your love life. And the training a hefty purse exposes your body to is a benefit realized when the babies are born. The increase in upper-body strength you receive has already prepared you for carrying the weight of baby and that ever-present diaper bag. Don’t think that men are not aware of this.

If your man is intent on having children someday, he is already scouting out the woman with the necessary background and physical attributes to provide the means required to balance and sustain the weight of that diaper bag. And once that diaper bag appears, make no mistake about it; he is absolutely certain that he has discovered a virtual warehouse to add more of his things to.

So, don’t dismiss the purchase of a purse because it seems too large. Your man can find many things to fill any space you do not use.

Skimpy little purses and skimpy little women look wonderful and move with grace and charm. They are able to glide and pivot like runway models. But how many wives and mothers do you see gliding and pivoting like models? It is the woman who can look good with a big purse, and move with strength and purpose, that attracts the man who collects many things, and is looking towards the future.

Certainly, the above is just my own theory, based on personal observation and experience. Just keep your eyes open and see if your candidate for wedlock takes a special interest in the purse you carry. He may be more smitten than he lets you know.

If everything falls into place the way I described, be forewarned. You will carry and dispense forever. You will droop and drag. You will throw away your three-inch heels. You will hop when you hear bells. And you will write late at night.

Take heart, though, a tasty recipe follows. It’s a pantry throw-together and spice quantities are all approximate. I’m just not much of a by-the-book cook.

ITALIAN GREEN BEANS WITH TOMATOES

1 can DEL MONTE ITALIAN GREEN BEANS

1 can DEL MONTE PEELED TOMATOES

3 tblsp. ONION - yellow or red - diced

1+ tblsp. BUTTER

Dash SAGE (adjust to your preference)

Dash THYME (adjust to your preference)

SALT & BLACK PEPPER - to taste

Put TOMATOES in a 2-quart saucepan. If you use DICED TOMATOES you will save yourself the work of chopping the WHOLE TOMATOES. Add ONION, SAGE, THYME, BUTTER, SALT and PEPPER. Stir well.

Cover pot and cook on medium-low heat until contents heat through and begin to bubble. The ONIONS will determine the cooking time. Let them soften.

Then add the ITALIAN GREEN BEANS (drained), and blend well. Continue cooking on simmer until heated well through. Check pot and stir often.

Serve in separate small bowls and eat with a spoon.

QUESTION: Where did POCKETBOOK come from? It’s definitely not a book; and if you had a pocket big enough to fit it into, then you wouldn’t need it in the first place. Right?