You may recall, an earlier blog introduced the first of several theories concerning WEIGHT CONTROL VS. SCIENCE VS. EATING. This blog offers the SECOND INSTALLMENT:
AIRBORNE CALORIES
As before, I must caution you that THEORY IS NOT FACT. These THEORIES are only imagined, fantastical explanations for my own inability to wear a size two.
DEFINITION: An Airborne Calorie is one of many that RISES from HOT FOOD, is carried to UNSUSPECTING HUMANS, on the wispiest breath of air, and is ABSORBED INTO THE BODY in the guise of DELICIOUS AROMA. Once happily ensconced in said body, it busily migrates to HIPS, ABDOMENS, and DERRIERES. (Animals and small children are exempt. They are too low to the ground.
TREATMENT:
(#1) DON'T COOK! Graze, instead, on the refrigerator ready-to-eats or raid the pantry of its room-temperature thrills. You'll probably eat less and stop sooner.
(#2) HIRE SOMEONE TO COOK FOR YOU! Stay out of the kitchen and let him or her deal with the problem. When you dine on the cook’s creation, allow the meal to reach at least room temperature. When you are done, let cook do the clean up.
(#3) If you can’t hire a cook, PROTECT YOURSELF DURING MEAL PREPARATION BY WEARING A SURGICAL MASK! This not only prevents breathing in the dreaded AIRBORNE CALORIE, it makes it impossible to sneak a taste. When the food is ready to eat, feed your family. Then wash the just the pots (with mask still in place) while your own plate seeks room temperature.
(#4) AVOID, WHENEVER POSSIBLE, AREAS WHERE DELICIOUS AROMAS CONGREGATE. Restaurants, bakeries, cookouts, etc. don’t have to be your downfall. A SAFE DISTANCE from the kitchen, OPEN AIR, and CROWDS will offer some protection and you'll have a good time with only moderate risk.
LONG TERM PROGNOSIS: Experimentation with suggested options will be initially entertaining. New things always hold our attention. After a short time, however, old habits will triumph. Don’t be discouraged -- at least you tried -- and new discoveries may be on the horizon. Your best bet is OPTION (#2); but that is pretty far-fetched even for me.
Now that I've scared the bejeebers out of you, let’s all repeat: "IT'S ONLY A THEORY!" Take a deep breath -- relax -- and consider this recipe. (Be sure to read the exemption clause at the end of this recipe.)
CREAM OF MUSHROOM & WILD RICE SOUP
1 medium ONION (or 2 LEEKS) - diced
1/2 lb. MUSHROOMS - sliced
1/2 cup BUTTER
1/2 cup FLOUR
8 cups HOT CHICKEN BROTH
3 cups COOKED WILD RICE (You may add
1 more cup of Rice if you prefer.)
1 cup HALF & HALF
4 tblsps. DRY SHERRY
SALT & PEPPER (to taste)
Sauté ONION/LEEKS and MUSHROOMS in BUTTER for three minutes or until soft. Sprinkle in FLOUR, stirring until FLOUR is cooked but not browned. Slowly add CHICKEN BROTH. Flour mixture should break-up. Gentle whisking works well. Add WILD RICE, SALT and PEPPER to taste. Heat thoroughly. Stir in HALF & HALF and SHERRY. Heat gently. DO NOT BOIL.
EXEMPTION: The Wild Rice confuses any Airborne Calories present in the preparation of this recipe. Indeed, even the comforting heat of the soup is spared any guilt because butter and cream are a natural product of nature and, therefore, must bind with the vegetables (onions/leeks & mushrooms) to complete the Pyramid of Dietary Forgiveness.